Writing Class: Assignment 3 – Using Senses in Description

The assignment this week is to write a descriptive scene (using a variety of senses) of a car accident, a new house or an astronaut landing on a new planet. I picked the car accident.

Also this week two other things happened in real life. 1) There is a sniper on the interstate near my town who has been shooting cars. Crazy, scary and true. 2) I read ‘The Young Elites’ by Marie Lu. Instead of a hero’s story, its told from the villain’s point of view.

Those are the influences on my story this week:


Double Yellow

I reach into my back pocket and pull out my set of Candy Land cards. Their corners are beat up and creased. I pop my knuckles and listen to the rush of cars blowing past me, then shuffle my cards seven times. Not eight. If I miscount and do eight, then I’ll have to do six more to make it fourteen, because that is a multiple of seven. I only did that once. That turned into a very bad day. Now I pay more attention.

The cards are ready. There are twenty-five cards because this is I-25. With their white borders and perfect squares they are so beautiful. I put the stack in the dirt and keep one finger on it to keep the breeze from scattering my cards. That happened once, too. That was another very bad day. “Please don’t be a double purple,” I close my eyes and pray to the cards. There are not many purple cars and if I get a double purple, I’ll have to wait a long time. A long time. And then I’ll be late for work. I hate work. I love my cards. With a deep breath, I turn the top card over. Double yellow.

candyland_cropOkay. Double yellow. This is new. My fingers shiver. I’ve never even drawn a single yellow before. This will be good day.

The waiting is the hardest part. I rock back and forth on my heels and pick at the hangnail on my thumb. Silver. Blue. Black. White. Blue. Yellow cars are rare. Not as rare as purple. But not as common as blue. The silver, black and white cars are never chosen. Those colors don’t exist in Candy Land.

Green. Blue. Red. A yellow is coming. A jeep. I check the chosen card again. Still a double yellow. I let this one pass. It is not the chosen car.

I wait. My hangnail is bleeding and I wipe it on my green t-shirt. The cards picked my shirt this morning. It was a single green, so even though my arms are chilly in the Colorado morning, I don’t wear the matching sweatshirt.

I wait. I draw another card. Double blue. I squeeze two blue M&Ms from the corner hole in the package. With my tongue I push them up high between my gum and my cheek. They slowly drip chocolatey saliva onto my tongue and I try to make them last until I see another yellow car.

Eleven cars pass. The rush of swirling wind from each car almost reaches me, but it stops in the tall dry grass in just front of me. Seventeen more cars pass. Trucks too. And finally there is another yellow. A Volkswagen Beetle. It’s coming. Its sunshiny happiness hurts my eyes. “You have been chosen by the cards,” I whisper to Double Yellow. My stomach rolls as I line up my sight.

Exhale. Hold. Squint. Squeeze.

The windshield explodes. Double Yellow brakes, swerves and rolls three times. The crunch of metal bending and skidding on pavement satisfies my ears. Double Yellow stops upside down. The wheels are still spinning. I have made the cards happy.

But I lied. The leaving is the hardest part. Not the waiting. I want to stay to smell the smoke. I want to stay to hear a scream. I want to walk closer and breathe gun powder from Double Yellow’s air bags. I widen my nostrils and inhale hard. I can only find the briefest tinge of smoke.

I must leave Double Yellow. The cards will choose another tomorrow.


The End


PS – Totally fictional in case you hadn’t figured that out. Don’t send the cops over.

Update: This story received Honorable Mention from both Glimmer Train and Molotov Cocktail. Thrilling, right. Or maybe not. Here is how it happened…


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